June Horoscopes


There’s only one way to guarantee yourself protection against sunburns: put out the sun. Just do it. There will be absolutely no repercussions whatsoever.



Love in summer. Have a blast. Don’t let it happen so fast. Don’t let Danny Zuko dance with Charlotte “Cha Cha” DiGregorio. This may be copyrighted.



A good refreshing summer treat: ice-cold lemonade. A not so good refreshing summer treat: Lemon Fresh bleach. Please choose your lemon flavored liquids responsibly.



You deserve a break. Like, for three months, with no school. This is a very special offer that only applies to Cancer students, and nobody else.



Be bold this summer. Take risks. Step outside your comfort zone. Absorb every piece of stereotypical teenage summer advice out there.



After a long, tiring, trying year, the Stars are writing in your metaphorical yearbook through your horoscope. They’ve watched you struggle. They’ve watched you triumph. They’ve watched you grow. And they have one thing to say: HAGS.



Your calling this summer: trim those shaggy palm trees that you see on the streets. They’re a fire hazard. If they don’t go, you go. Sorry, it’s all natural selection.



If someone says “fight me” to you this summer, even as a joke, that’s your cue. Your star sign was born to rule the seven seas; it’s time to brawl it out. Survival of the fittest.



You’ll travel somewhere this summer, and you’ll feel pretty great about it. The sun will be shining in your face, there will be birds singing above you. Congrats, you’ve stepped out of bed.



Don’t do your summer homework. Just don’t. This summer is about experiences, not analyzing 19th century literature. Get your head out of those books and start seeing the world.



Google says your star sign is unpredictable, but our fortune tellers at Argolog will try our best. Let’s see…you’re going to the beach this summer…and…you turn into a lungfish! That’s pretty exciting.



There’s gonna be a lot of crying this summer– probably because you’re too attached to your summer homework. Honestly, just let it go. Go paint some flowers and relax.