Do AP Scores Really Matter?

With AP tests swiftly approaching, it’s no secret that we all need a serious reality check. Far too often, students fail to understand the true significance of AP exams and the weight they hold when it comes to their future success. Don’t go in blinded to the truth — refresh your memory and your viewpoint with this helpful list. Here are the 5 reasons why your AP test scores matter.

  1. Your firstborn child depends on it.
    1. Research has shown that failure is an inheritable trait. If you don’t get 5’s on all your AP tests, you’re dooming your future kids. Consequently, your firstborn child will fail to compute math, learn to read, make meme references, and understand the meaning of life. Now you see why there’s a lot on the line.
    1. Let’s make one thing clear: “AP” stands for “Absolute Priority,” not “Advanced Placement.” It’s not as if there are nearly identical courses available to you at a later time at both four-year and community colleges. What are college courses even for?
  3. Survival of the fittest is the law of the wild; this is no exception.
    1. When Charles Darwin visited the Galapagos Islands in the 19th century, he discovered that finches who scored a 4 or below on their AP exams died off when disaster struck, while finches who scored a 5 were favored by natural selection and lived. College Board has not forgotten Darwin’s discovery; College Board will not waste time with the weak.
  4. The rest of your life hinges on this single test score.
    1. Oh, you didn’t get a 5 on AP Bio? You only got a 3 on AP Lang? Good luck getting hired, chump.
  5. Tests determine everything. (Duh.)
    1. Ever take those quizzes that determine who you’ll marry in 10 years, what your dream house would look like, or how many children you’ll have in the future? Well, the AP exams are just like that: they’re all huge personality quizzes. Getting a 1 means you’ll be forever alone and live under a bridge. Getting a 5 means you’ll marry Ryan Gosling, have three kids, and live in a mansion. The choice is yours.


(With AP tests swiftly approaching, it’s no secret that we all need a serious reality check. AP classes and exams are a wonderful opportunity to challenge yourself and to get ahead on college credits, but they aren’t life and death. If you pass, that’s fantastic. Even if you don’t secure that 3, you’ll be just fine. Study hard, prepare the best you can, but most importantly of all, give yourself a break. AP tests last approximately three hours; your mental and physical health has to last you your whole life. Let yourself breathe. You’ve worked all year, and that’s all anybody could ever ask of you.